


Why We Laugh, Reach For A Flask

by trash_trio



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Achievement Hunter Heists, Alcohol, Assassins & Hitmen, Bank Robbery, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, F/M, Fake AH Crew, FakeHaus, Gang Violence, Gangs, Gangsters, Heists, Los Santos, M/M, Multi, Murder, Recreational Drug Use, Ryan The Murder Guy, Sexual Content, Snipers, Swearing, Turf wars, Violence, fem!Jack, video game violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 13:35:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6612574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trash_trio/pseuds/trash_trio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I told you bitches to stay still.” Lindsay stalked over to the man who had been inching across the floor and nudged him with her foot, staining her nude suede pumps with blood in the process. Jack sighed.</p><p>“All of you are terrible bystanders. Do you honestly think we don’t have backup? This place is surrounded. And not just by the cops.” A cell phone in Jack’s hand vibrated and she looked down a moment. “Anyway, it’s been real you guys, and if anyone asks, tell ‘em it was the Fake AH Crew.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why We Laugh, Reach For A Flask

**Author's Note:**

> Me: *has a bunch of unfinished fics*
> 
> Also me: *starts a new, huge project because I love GTA V Let's Plays*
> 
> I apologize, I've had terrible writers block on my other fics, but here's some fun bank heist stuff. Title is based off of "My Shot" from Hamilton because I'm fucking obsessed.

“All right, everybody on the ground, hands up, don’t move when you’re kissing the marble. You know the drill. I would ask you to take of your valuables but we both know that most of you are wearing costume jewelry. Except you, I see that bag is Prada, so give me the fucking bag and the diamonds you’re wearing.”

Two redhaired women, each holding a pair of ridiculously painted gold automatic weapons stood in the doorway of the bank, their heels clicking on the marble floor as they entered. Predictably, everyone fell to the floor. The woman that was speaking approached an elderly and very wealthy-looking lady, the owner of said Prada bag, and snatched it from the floor, glancing in it to inspect the contents. 

The other redhead, a curvy woman wearing a business suit, gloves, and sunglasses nudged her to pay attention. They walked forward down the queue. The curvy woman went straight up to the clerk, glancing down at the terrified men and women on the floor. Her eyes brightened as she passed one woman.

“Ooh Jack, that girl is wearing really cute cat earrings, can you get them for me while I’m in the vault?”

“Are you serious, Lindsay?” The woman, Jack, rolled her eyes. The other woman, Lindsay shrugged as she pointed one of her weapons to the bank clerk, nodding contentedly as she began to fill the empty duffel bags that Lindsay had slung over her back.

“They match my stockings, Jack!! Pleasssse?” Jack sighed but nodded as she walked more slowly down the queue.

“Ugh fine. You heard the lady, give her the earrings. Now, everyone. Wallets and cell phones.” Jack began to collect the wallets of the men and women on the ground and tucking the pair of said earrings into her pocket from the terrified woman on the floor. She took the wallet from the girl as well.

  
“Hurry up,” Lindsay demanded to the clerk. “Is this your first bank robbery?” The clerk nodded, his face as white as a sheet. Lindsay frowned sympathetically.

“First heist?” Jack called, approaching Lindsay, watching the clerk throw money into the bag. Sirens were going off in the distance. 

“You’ll get used to it, don’t worry,” Lindsay said to the clerk. “You must be a new employee, we hit this place up at least every month.”

Someone behind them was inching across the floor back towards the exit behind them, though neither woman noticed. The clerk saw the woman over Jack’s shoulder and struggled to keep her face impassive.

“Someone help the clerk, we don’t have all day and would prefer not to have a shootout with the cops. Cool cat earrings girl, come here and help the clerk load money into the bag.” The sirens sounded outside, along with the sound of broken glass and gunshots. Jack swore.

“Fuck, you goddamn amateur, hurry up, looks like we have to have that shootout after all. If y’all don’t want to be hostages, you’ll hurry up.” The clerk and other girl were hurriedly shoving cash into the bag. Shouts and loud laughter could be heard outside. There was the sound a minor explosion. Lindsay’s lips quirked up in a slight smile. One of the people on the floor gasped quietly. The man inching across the floor quickened his pace toward the door.

Finally after a painfully long moment, the clerk handed Jack and Lindsay the duffel bags, her hands shaking as she did. Jack gave the clerk a sympathetic smile. “You’ll be ready next time, practice makes perfect.”

Just as Jack and Lindsay turned around, a gunshot rang out, too loud and too close to be from the chaos ensuing outside. A woman on the floor screamed as she was sprayed with blood. Both Lindsay and Jack looked disapprovingly at the crumpled body on the ground.

“I told you bitches to stay still.” Lindsay stalked over to the man who had been inching across the floor and nudged him with her foot, staining her nude suede pumps with blood in the process. Jack sighed.

“All of you are terrible bystanders. Do you honestly think we don’t have backup? This place is surrounded. And not just by the cops.” A cell phone in Jack’s hand vibrated and she looked down a moment. “Someone is asking Mary for nudes, quite rudely I might add. Mary, break up with whoever this is. Anyway, it’s been real you guys, and if anyone asks, tell ‘em it was the Fake AH Crew.”

Lindsay and Jack both hefted the duffel bags over their shoulders and lifted their guns to face the door, readying themselves for the chaos outside. Somehow, and even after all the shit they’d seen from their lives as hardened criminals, they were not prepared for what was outside.

**Author's Note:**

> I may take this down eventually, seeing as this may become a permanent writing project that I turn into a novel, but hey, what are the chances I'll actually finish a book? Ha.
> 
> Follow my personal tumblr at mylifeistheprogressbar.tumblr.com if you like vintage memes, shitty puns, Rooster Teeth, Game of Thrones, writing help, gay stuff, and more shitty puns.
> 
> Follow me on Instagram: daisyrightsactivist
> 
> I love kudos and comments, so if you wanna see more of something just know that I am motivated mostly through YOUR lovely comments. Thanks for reading!


End file.
